I miss you too Czai. Good morning. :)
Sabi nila, ang love daw ay parang una at hulihang pahina ng isang libro. Na kahit gaano man sila kalayo sa isa’t isa ay hindi sila mapaghihiwalay kahit na maraming mga pahina ang nasa pagitan nila.
Ang relasyon ay hindi lang about sa love. Hindi lang ito natatapos sa pagpapakilig niyo sa bawat isa. Na puro ‘Mahal kita’ ang sinasabi. Hindi lang diyan nagtatapos, dahil wala ka pa naman napapatunayan sa mga sinasabi niyo. Marami pang mga bagay dyan ang maaari niyong malaman at matutunan.
LDR. Mahirap, oo pero dahil dito marami kang mapapatunayan sa sarili mo, sa relasyon niyong dalawa.
Dahil sa LDR,
1. Matututo kayong magtiwala sa bawat isa. Na kahit ano mang mangyari, ang tiwala niyo ay hindi basta basta masisira.
2. Malalaman niyo ang kahalagahan ng bawat isa. Na dahil sa sobrang layo niyo sa isa’t isa ay mararamdaman niyong mahalaga ang bawat isa sa inyo.
3. Malalaman niyo na hindi lang basta isang laro itong pinasok niyo. Matututo kayong magseryoso sa mga bagay bagay na mayroon kayo. Na hindi na kayo bata para sa mga walang kwentang pagtatalo.
4. Matututo kayong maging mature. Pagiging mature lalo na sa pagdedesisyon. Magiging mas malawak ang pag-iisip niyong dalawa.
5. Matututo kang maging mas malakas. Na kahit alam mong malayo siya sa tabi mo ay lagi siyang nandyan para sayo. Na kahit ano mang mangyari, ikaw ang lakas niya at siya ang lakas mo para magpatuloy lang sa buhay.
Nasa tao pa rin naman yan kung paano siya maghawak ng isang relasyon. Kahit gaano man kayo kalayo sa bawat isa, nandyan pa rin at hindi mawawala ang tiwala. Na hindi lang basta love ang bumubuo sa inyo. Marami pang aspeto gaya ng respeto sa bawat isa, time, understanding, faithfulness at pagiging loyal.
One day that you’d be brave enough, we’ll fly together.
i don’t understand people who make multiple facebook statuses every day like wtf i haven’t made a facebook status since like world war 2
I thought of you countless times today. I was smiling the whole day thinking about you. And yea until now I’m thinking about you. And I bet I won’t be able to sleep right away again because of the thought of you. And I know I may sound crazy here but it’s okay I’m happy to admit these things and also I get cravings for talking to you. Okay.
I wonder if I ever caught someones attention. Even if I was just walking among the crowd, I wonder if they wanted to get to know me or anything like that.
Sometimes, I just end up thinking about my life. How messed up it is. How closed off I am. How no one actually knows me. How much I hate myself. How much I’d like tp change. How much responsibility I have. The amount of expectations I can feel coming from my parents. I don’t know why I think about these things, maybe it’s because I’m all alone in the dark, or maybe I’m all alone inside the room, or maybe I feel like I’m drowning. All I know is that I always cry, wanting, wishing, praying for someone to save me. Sometimes I pray for my mom to save me. Sometimes my dad. Most of the time I pray for my best friend to come save me and let me know that I’m not alone, that everything’s okay. Then she’d just hug me and tell me random jokes and buy me a donut and then I’d be okay again, and I’ll be ready to go home.
Other times I just sit there, hoping for my life to end. I look at the knife that my mom keeps inside the bedroom for emergency purposes and then I’d get the temptation to just slash my wrist, replace the pain I feel emotionally with something concrete, something that’s physical. Then I’d change my mind and think that, no, I will not ruin what I could have in the future. That someday I’ll prove to all of those that didn’t have faith in me that I was worth something after all.
But then there are times when things just get so, so, so bad that I end up holding the knife to my wrist, ready to cut my own flesh, to let my blood flow out, to make the pain physical instead. In my head I’d see my mother’s face filled with disgust, looking down at me and complaining about the troubles I cause her, about the additional bills she has to pay because of me, because I tried to kill myself. I’d think about the time when I’ll have to face the priest and and confess my sins and think about how disgusted he must be, or how much he musy pity me. I was taught that priests are good men and I believe that, but still there’s this dark part in my head that knows that no one’s perfect and the priest won’t be able to deny what he thinks. Then I think about my friends and how worried they’d be, how they’d surely cry and force me to tell them my reasons for not opening up to them, how they’d call themselves bad friends because they didn’t notice how much pain I was in.
Everyday I end up thinking this way. Everyday I start thinking about how much of a burden I must be to the people I love. And everyday I wear a smile on my face and pretend to be fine even when I’m not, so much that I’ve mastered it and can now even fool myself. It sickens me because the thing that I hate most, is the thing that I myself do everyday. But when I begin to think about stopping I end up thinking about how everyone’s faces would be filled with pity for me and I’d change my mind immediately.